Ranking all 110(!) players left out of opening Premier League matchday squads by how p*ssed off they can be

So that’s matchday one of the new Premier League season in the books.

We can already jerk those knees and draw some pretty nailed-on conclusions based on what we saw, but how about what we didn’t see?

Here, then, is a list of all those players who didn’t even make it as far as the bench on the opening weekend of the season, ranked by how p*ssed off they can feel about it.

Yes we did start this as a way of talking about Raheem Sterling. Yes we did already cover that adequately in 800 words on one of the worst footballing decisions made by a player in the modern era. And no we didn’t fully understand at the time just how massive this was going to get. We are and remain idiots incapable of working out the kind of number 20 x 5 might produce.

On which note, sorry if any injured or suspended players have slipped through the net here. Call us names in the comments by all means. But we’ve tried to sieve them out, as well as not including any players signed in the last week or so for whom day-one absence is largely to be expected.

 

110. Scott Carson (Man City)
P*ssed off? The man is loving every single second and quite rightly so. A national treasure.

 

109. John Ruddy (Newcastle)
A classic bit of big club squad-building from Newcastle here, snapping up an experienced goalkeeper on a free with the absolute certainty that the best-case scenario is he never actually plays for them.

We’re pretty sure Ruddy knows exactly what he signed up for here in joining the goalkeeping group at Newcastle just as Nick Pope returned to fitness.

 

108. Alfie Whiteman (Tottenham)
Technically probably fourth choice but nevertheless a contender for the most third-choice goalkeeper in the land because the part-time keeper, self-published authoer, filmmaker and jass fusion DJ is a man absolutely living his best life.

 

107. Vitezslav Jaros (Liverpool)
Alisson and Caoimhin Kelleher is a fair pair to find yourself behind but does perhaps mean Jaros might be even more content with his lot than most third-choice keepers, which is very content indeed if they’ve any sense.

 

106. Jakub Stolarczyk (Leicester)
Will be elevated to that sweet, sweet third-choice gig if and when Daniel Iversen gets a move.

 

105. Tom Heaton (Man United)
Only the second happiest third-choice goalkeeper in Manchester.

 

104. Sekou Mara (Southampton)
About to join Strasbourg. May well have already done so by the time we finish this.

 

103. Wes Foderingham (West Ham)
Another classic ‘veteran third-choice keeper on a free’ in the Carson/Ruddy mould.

 

102. Rhys Williams (Liverpool)
Last played a Premier League game for Liverpool in May 2021 and hasn’t made it even as far as the bench since the final day of 2022/23. So probably not shocked to find he was overlooked at Ipswich.

 

101. Alex Murphy (Newcastle)
The highly-rated young defender signed a contract extension at the end of last season and is likely to get a chance somewhere along the line this season whether that’s at Newcastle or out on loan. Either way, no compelling reasons for upset.

 

100. Alfie Devine (Tottenham)
One of a large crop of highly-rated Spurs younglings, becoming the club’s youngest first-team goalscorer in a 2021 FA Cup win at Marine. Injuries have hampered his inevitably loan-based development since then, but another season in the Championship looks likely for the midfielder. Sheffield Wednesday have been touted.

 

99. Will Dennis (Bournemouth)
Third-choice keeper, still one of the great gigs in the game.

 

98. Marcus Bettinelli (Chelsea)
A curious thing about the vastly overstocked Chelsea goalkeeper department is that while it’s hard to fully pin down who might be first, second, fourth, fifth or sixth choice the one thing we’re fully confident of is that Bettinelli is third choice. And thus Bettinelli probably has more role clarity than just about anyone else at that profoundly silly football club.

He is the one player who knows exactly where he stands and can just keep his head down and crack on.

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97. Ki-Jana Hoever (Wolves)
Having spent two years on perma-loan at Stoke now appears to be heading for Toulouse.

 

96. Chem Campbell (Wolves)
His six Premier League appearance for Wolves total out at 80 minutes and he went out on loan not once but twice last season and has the squad number 77. Absolutely no eyebrows raised inside or outside Wolves by his absence at the Emirates.

 

95. Mikey Moore (Tottenham)
Recently signed his first senior pro contract having become Spurs’ youngest ever Premier League player towards the end of last season. The buzz at Spurs around a player who was six months old when they last won a trophy is massive and the expectation is that despite having only just turned 17 he will spend the season in and around the first-team squad rather than heading out on loan.

 

94. Leander Dendoncker (Aston Villa)
‘I played five years in the Premier League, I still follow that league, in particular Aston Villa because I played there.’ That quote from April during a humdrum loan spell at Napoli is tremendously past tense for a player with two years left on his Aston Villa contract, but does rather suggest he’s at peace with his situation and thus not p*ssed off at all.

 

93. Carney Chukweumeka (Chelsea)
Surplus to requirements like so many others but despite a long list of suitors ranging from Crystal Palace to Barcelona he’s proving hard to shift because Chelsea currently give him £115,000 a week and nobody else seems all that keen to do so.

It’s the kind of money, though, that probably makes you okay with sitting out an inevitable home defeat to the champions, all things considered.

 

92. Pedro Lima (Wolves)
Turned 18 the day he officially signed for Wolves from Brazilian second-tier side Sport Recife last month. Cannot be p*ssed off.

 

91. Matt Cox (Brentford)
Got an England U21 call-up while on loan at Bristol Rovers last season but currently in third-keeper territory at Brentford.

 

90. Billy Crellin (Everton)
Third-choice goalkeeper, we think.

 

89. Harry Tyrer (Everton)
Fourth-choice goalkeeper, we think.

 

88. Remi Matthews (Crystal Palace)
Third-choice goalkeepers generally know what they are.

 

87. Mark Gillespie (Newcastle)
Still yet to make a Premier League appearance for Newcastle. Pretty unlikely to now.

 

86. Samuel Iling-Junior (Aston Villa)
Can’t really be too mad because he got out of Chelsea at 16 four years ago and thus is clearly a shrewd young man with a long-term view. Pretty astute to see which way that club was going so far back.

 

85. Tawanda Chirewa (Wolves)
Forced his way into Gary O’Neil’s thoughts last season and, while generally restricted to cameos from the bench he had been in every Premier League matchday squad for Wolves in 2024 so might be mildly dischuffed to be omitted altogether at Arsenal.

 

84. Nathan Fraser (Wolves)
See Chirewa, Tawanda. Can’t be too furious about not being involved on matchday one when you’re a 19-year-old with seven Premier League appearances to your name, but he had been on the bench at least throughout the second half of last season.

 

83. Gavin Kilkenny (Bournemouth)
Finished last season on loan at Fleetwood, and another temporary move would appear likely.

 

82. Ui-jo Hwang (Nottingham Forest)
It’s been quite a few years for Hwang, with assorted loan spells away from Forest yielding assorted levels of success but also not really being the main point.

Lord knows this feature is already going to be long enough without going into the alleged activities of the ‘embattled’ Korean striker so just Google him. Essentially, not being able to get on Forest’s bench isn’t really the biggest problem.

 

81. Jensen Weir (Brighton)
Another one for the ‘two loans last season, another one on the way’ pile.

 

80. Joe Worrall (Nottingham Forest)
Made seven Premier League appearances last season before heading off on loan to Besiktas and is even further down the pecking order now. Couldn’t make the bench on Saturday despite a suspension carried over from his Fiorentina days for new signing Nikola Milenkovic, so hard to see much changing in Worrall’s favour over the weeks ahead.

Burnley are keen, as they are on pretty much any Premier League spare part.

 

79. Amario Cozier-Duberry (Brighton)
Scored a couple of goals in pre-season after joining the Seagulls from Arsenal’s academy, but a Championship loan appears to be in his immediate future.

 

78. Nat Phillips (Liverpool)
Coming soon to a ‘Forgotten Men’ feature near you. Or to any club with a spare £10m lying around.

 

77. Tom King (Wolves)
Has only made it as far as a Premier League bench four times in his Wolves career. We’re assuming neither shocked nor p*ssed off by this latest snub.

 

76. Ashley Phillips (Tottenham)
The young centre-back spent last season on loan at Plymouth and is likely heading off again. Getafe have been mentioned, which sounds like fun.

 

75. Joe Hodge (Wolves)
Linked with loan moves to League One clubs Huddersfield and Lincoln and has also trained with Hibs this summer. Unlikely Saturday’s Emirates snub has hurt and/or baffled the Republic of Ireland Under-21 international.

 

74. Josh Wilson-Esbrand (Man City)
Prominently involved during City’s US tour this summer and the left-back appears to be a player who has Guardiola’s attention. Plenty of evidence around that suggests player patience in this scenario could reap handsome reward.

 

73. Luke Cundle (Wolves)
Two loan spells last season and set for another before August is out, we’d wager, despite declaring himself happy to stay and fight for a seemingly non-existent place in Wolves’ current first-team plans.

 

72. Ronnie Edwards (Southampton)
Newly arrived from Peterborough and, we’re guessing, aware that he may have to bide his time and fight for a place in the rarefied Premier League air.

 

71. Jamal Lewis (Newcastle)
Not entirely out in the cold having featured in pre-season, and Eddie Howe certainly left the door slightly ajar while admitting that a move might be best for all concerned.

“We have seen him come back into the group and he’s trained really well. Ultimately it will depend on what he wants. He wants to play football and it might be difficult guarantee him that so we will wait and see.”

It’s not the infantile banishment certain other players at certain other clubs have received, let’s put it that way.

 

70. Tino Anjorin (Chelsea)
Portsmouth want him back on loan. He should probably go back to Portsmouth on loan.

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69. Cameron Humphreys (Ipswich)
Set for a loan move to Wycombe by all accounts.

 

68. Robin Olsen (Aston Villa)
Has never really been a suitable like-for-like replacement for Emi Martinez in either ability or style and now appears to have been replaced as second-choice by Aussie Joe Gauci.

 

67. Jakub Moder (Brighton)
Was pretty strongly linked with Leicester early in the window, in a move that would have seen Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall go the other way. As is so often the case with transfer windows these days, Chelsea had other ideas.

 

66. Odel Offiah (Brighton)
Made his Premier League debut last season after a loan deal at Hearts was cut short. And if you were wondering: yes – nephew. Nearly joined Wigan at one point last season, which would have been apt.

 

65. Cameron Peupion (Brighton)
The Aussie has only made one Premier League appearance for Brighton but did make the bench for five of the last nine games of 23/24. Probably won’t be too filthy about missing out, or have a sook about it, or any other ridiculous Australian words.

 

64. Shea Charles (Southampton)
Named in reports as a potential Celtic makeweight in a deal that would see Matt O’Riley head the other way.

 

63. Mateusz Lis (Southampton)
Had appeared all set for a return to Goztepe having spent last season there on loan, but is for now still Southampton’s third-choice keeper.

 

62. Odysseas Vlachodimos (Newcastle)
Summer signing looks to be heading out on loan for some minutes with Newcastle’s goalkeeping cupboard particularly well stocked. It looked the most questionable of PSR signings at the time and no less so now.

 

61. Emmanuel Dennis (Nottingham Forest)
Returned to Watford on loan for the second half of last season and was one of those earmarked for sales in the pre-June 30 PSR scramble. Yet remains at Forest. For now.

 

60. Omar Richards (Nottingham Forest)
Won the Conference League with Olympiacos last season but still yet to play a competitive first-team game for Forest.

 

59. Joe White (Newcastle)
Made his Premier League debut last season but more likely to spend the whole of this campaign where he spent the first half of the last: out on loan.

 

58. Angelo (Chelsea)
‘Chelsea would prefer to sell Player X this month rather than loan him out but…’ is a familiar intro these days, and the young Brazilian winger is just one of the many, many Player Xs currently clogging up the Chelsea training ground.

 

57. Facundo Pellistri (Man United)
On the verge of joining Panathinaikos.

 

56. Isaac Hayden (Newcastle)
One of those left behind after the PIF takeover but still searching for a way out. A whole bunch of Championship clubs remain pretty keen to provide it.

 

55. Joel Ward (Crystal Palace)
Veteran defender signed a one-year contract extension in the summer but was only sporadically involved in that absurd finish Palace enjoyed to 2023/24. Did always at least make it as far as the bench, though.

But we’re assuming here that he knows and understands the role for which he has signed up this season and that it probably won’t involve starting 23 Premier League games as he did last season.

 

54. Rob Holding (Crystal Palace)
The wait for a Crystal Palace Premier League debut goes on.

 

53. Kevin Mbabu (Fulham)
Spent last season on loan at Augsburg and now a target for clubs in Spain, Netherlands, Germany and Turkey, it says here. Just as well, because he currently appears unlikely to add to his tally of six Premier League games for Fulham.

 

52. Issa Kabore (Man City)
Roma have been linked. Spurs too before apparently deciding they weren’t going to buy any more fancy right-backs because they had Djed Spence at home.

 

51. Carlos Vinicius (Fulham)
Las Palmas and Corinthians are both keen on the out-of-favour striker.

 

50. Freddie Ladapo (Ipswich)
Went out on loan last season after struggling for game time in the Championship. Is unlikely to suddenly get a load in the Premier League. Whether temporary or permanent, another departure is on the cards over the next 10 days, surely.

 

49. Daniel Iversen (Leicester)
Had been linked with a move to Derby as a replacement for Joe Wildsmith but remains in Leicester limbo for now as either third or fourth choice behind Mads Hermansen, Danny Ward and possibly Jakub Stolarczyk.

 

48. Luke Thomas (Leicester)
Can’t get in Leicester’s matchday group, but could find a place in the England squad for Topps’ shambolic Euro 2024 sticker album. And nobody can take that away from him.

 

47. Maximo Perrone (Man City)
Has said he wants to go out on loan again and it appears the only problem City might have with that is that they’d cheerfully sell him permanently if they could.

 

46. Sepp van den Berg (Liverpool)
‘My goal is to play football next year so we will see if it is here or somewhere else.’ Our money is on ‘somewhere else’ for a man with more loan moves than Premier League appearances since joining Liverpool, who might get another £20m for their troubles from Brentford.

 

45. Hannibal (Man United)
United went to Burnley trying to sign Sander Berge and may end up loaning them Hannibal instead. The transfers game is certainly a funny one.

 

44. Ryan Fraser (Newcastle)
If we were of a mischievous bent we might suggest the biggest thing delaying Fraser’s long-touted permanent move to Southampton, where he spent last season on loan, was the identity of Newcastle’s opening-day opponents.

 

43. Stefan Bajcetic (Liverpool)
Not only missing from the squad list at Ipswich on Saturday but perhaps more significantly not involved with the Under-21s either. We’re therefore going to add two and two and get ‘season-long loan to Southampton’.

 

42. Harrison Ashby (Newcastle)
An injury-hit loan spell at Swansea has done nothing to push Ashby up a right-back pecking order featuring Kieran Trippier, Tino Livramento and Emil Krafth with reports now suggesting the club are seeking a permanent rather than loan solution for the former West Ham man.

 

41. David Datro Fofana (Chelsea)
Has been linked with Everton, a rite of passage for all unwanted Chelsea forwards, and could also end up in Spain or Leicester or who knows where else. One place he looks unlikely to turn up is the Chelsea matchday squad.

 

40. Naouirou Ahamada (Crystal Palace)
Sent off in quite spectacularly daft fashion in the penultimate game of last season to end his season prematurely and didn’t make it back into Oliver Glasner’s matchday squad for the start of this one.

 

39. Wanya Marcal (Leicester)
Handy for a feature like this to get it from the horse’s mouth. Marcal, after playing just eight times as Leicester got themselves back into the top flight, is pretty clear. ‘Ideally, I’ll try to get a loan and get my name out there as much as possible,’ he said last month. Clock’s ticking.

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38. Lucas Bergstrom (Chelsea)
Yet Another Chelsea Goalkeeper, Bergstrom had a loan move to Swedish side IF Brommapojkarna cut short this summer so he could rejoin the Blues’ first-team squad. Wise decision, really: they were down to just four or five goalkeepers at the time.

 

37. Armel Bello-Kotchap (Southampton)
Concerns over his medical have apparently seen his purported move to Hoffenheim collapse, with Russell Martin bemoaning ‘irresponsible’ leaks around the player’s health. Played 24 games in Southampton’s relegation season but just four Eredivisie games on loan at PSV last time out. Nobody thought he’d still be here by last weekend, so no great surprise to see him omitted.

 

36. Fabio Silva (Wolves)
Four goals in 19 games for Rangers last season hasn’t convinced them to follow up on his loan spell at Ibrox for some reason and he is now in classic late-window limbo waiting for someone to take him on loan.

 

35. Omari Kellyman (Chelsea)
He might still be recovering from injury so this one might be unfair of us to include. But for crushingly obvious reasons we are in no mood to give Chelsea the benefit of the doubt over £500,000-rated Aston Villa academy players they sign for £20m.

 

34. Ryan Manning (Southampton)
Played in 37 of Southampton’s 46 Championship games last season as well as all three in the play-offs and missed out altogether only twice – once through suspension. Promotion brings added challenges and competitions, but still a slight kick in the tits.

 

33. George Edmundson (Ipswich)
Played in the win over Nice in the final game of pre-season so there may be a degree of miff here.

 

32. Manor Solomon (Tottenham)
Cruel luck with injuries last season has seen him slip down the Tottenham pecking order and a late-window loan… somewhere seems the likeliest outcome for now.

 

31. Paul Onuachu (Southampton)
Reports suggest Southampton are willing to keep Onuachu at St Mary’s if a suitable permanent offer doesn’t materialise for the striker. We’ve seen this game before, though. He’ll go on loan, probably on the final day of the window, probably to Trabzonspor.

 

30. Joao Cancelo (Man City)
Has been back training with City and baffling tabloid hacks by turning up at his friend and countryman Bernardo Silva’s birthday party. Do… do they think that being out of Pep Guardiola’s first-team plans means everyone else just ignores him?

 

29. Ryan Sessegnon (Fulham)
Made to wait a little longer for his first Premier League appearance for Fulham since May 2019. But only a little bit longer, one would assume.

 

28. Mahmoud Dahoud (Brighton)
Didn’t do enough on loan at Stuttgart last season to earn a permanent move and appears unlikely to add to his tally of six Premier League appearances any time soon.

 

27. Kurt Zouma (West Ham)
In transfer limbo after the apparent collapse of a Saudi move. We just hope for the sake of any animals in the vicinity that he isn’t too p*ssed about it.

 

26. Sergio Reguilon (Tottenham)
Went on loan to Man United last season which was weird, and then to Brentford which was less weird. Still somehow at Spurs which is quite weird. We’re a bit sad it hasn’t really worked out for him at Spurs but at least we’ll always have his enthusiastic if bemused contributions from that time when Joe Hart seemingly got the whole Spurs squad really into playing cricket at training. Which was also weird.

 

25. Maxwel Cornet (West Ham)
Never really happened for him under David Moyes, and a poor pre-season appears to have dashed any hopes it might be different under Julen Lopetegui. The arrival of Cryscencio Summerville doesn’t help Cornet much at all, and it all looks like coming to a sad end.

 

24. Luis Guilherme (West Ham)
There was a lot of giddiness when he signed, and you know what? Fair enough. If you can’t get giddy about signing a tricky Brazilian teenager for £23m then the game has, frankly, gone. But it’s probably fair to say we might all have got a bit overexcited and that actually not instantly throwing an 18-year-old into the fray as he acclimatises to a new country, league and language is probably absolutely fine, really.

 

23. Alex Moreno (Aston Villa)
Behind Lucas Digne and now Ian Maatsen. “We were thinking to be strong in this position and Alex Moreno is a player who he is now close to leaving,” Unai Emery said after the win over West Ham. Entitled to a bit peeved given how integral he was to Emery’s initial transformation of Villa from relegation battlers to European contenders that has put them where they are now.

A move to Nottingham Forest doesn’t seem like much thanks, frankly.

 

22. Igor (Brighton)
Strongly linked with a return to Italy just a year after arriving on the south coast from Fiorentina, a total absence is still a bit of a kick in the tits for a man who made 34 of last season’s 38 Premier League matchday squads.

 

21. Paris Maghoma (Brentford)
‘He can be (useful) for this season and for the future,’ was Thomas Frank’s assessment after handing the 23-year-old a new contract. But not on the opening day, it turns out.

 

20. Boubacar Traore (Wolves)
Only used sparingly by Gary O’Neil last season but was generally in and around the squad. Didn’t reach 1000 minutes on the pitch, but did make 27 appearances. Has been on Olympics duty with Mali, though, which is likely another factor in his early-season absence having missed out on pre-season with Wolves.

 

19. Kortney Hause (Aston Villa)
Returned from a frustrating year out with injury to spend an even more frustrating spell in the wilderness. Hasn’t played a competitive game since a 2-2 draw against Sunderland while on loan at Watford in September 2022.

Has no place in Aston Villa’s plans and only a year left on his contract. Thus looks absolutely ripe for a ‘f**k it’ desperation loan on deadline day after Villa fail to shift him permanently.

 

18. Cesare Casadei (Chelsea)
A known quantity to Enzo Maresca after his loan spell at Leicester last season, but currently most likely to be deployed as a bargaining chip in moves for Victor Osimhen or any of the other 273 signings Chelsea are targeting before month’s end.

 

17. Max Aarons (Bournemouth)
An injury-ravaged first season at Bournemouth has been followed by them signing Julian Araujo to provide competition for Adam Smith at right-back. All leaves Aarons a bit on the outside looking in.

 

16. Enzo Barrenechea (Aston Villa)
A makeweight in the Douglas Luiz Juventus deal, the complete absence of the 23-year-old from Villa’s matchday squad at West Ham was a bit of a surprise, but hardly unprecedented for a new signing.

 

15. Kepa Arrizabalaga (Chelsea)
Currently in exile away from the first-team facilities at Cobham, because that’s just how normal football clubs treat players they’ve bought for £80m or whatever daftness it was.

 

14. Romelu Lukaku (Chelsea)
Looks like it’s finally coming to an end with Napoli at last on the brink of getting their man. Absolutely wild that Lukaku is so far out of the picture at Chelsea despite appearing from the outside to be precisely the sort of player they don’t actually have in the squad despite buying almost all of the footballers, and doubly funny that despite this his was in no way the most absurd absence from that Chelsea squad.

Can no longer be surprised by his status at Chelsea, but being pretty p*ssed off probably still pretty understandable.

 

13. Jakub Kiwior (Arsenal)
Left out for a ‘technical decision’ according to Fabrizio Romano and his Arsenal future does appear pretty bleak now Jurrien Timber is back from injury and Riccardo Califiori has rocked up. Will presumably also be behind Takehiro Tomiyasu in the pecking order when he returns from injury (next month, according to Mikel Arteta) so likely on his way out one way or another this month, you’d imagine. Notable perhaps that two players in a similar boat – Eddie Nketiah and Reiss Nelson – nevertheless made Saturday’s matchday squad.

 

12. Djordje Petrovic (Chelsea)
Back from the injury that kept him out of the US tour as far as we can tell, and we’re not entirely sure whether he’s out of favour, in exile, heading for the exit or just being treated with care because Chelsea have 439 first-team keepers on the books. What’s more, we’re not sure even he knows what’s what.

 

11. Armando Broja (Chelsea)
Chelsea’s loud demands for £50m in January inexplicably attracted no buyers. This summer’s “Okay, £30m” didn’t appear to be doing any better until Ipswich popped along with a loan which will only be made permanent if they stay up. Another academy graduate handled with the utmost care.

 

10. Giovani Lo Celso (Tottenham)
Would be no surprise to see Lo Celso leave Spurs before the month is out – Real Betis, Aston Villa and Roma are all reportedly keen – but slightly surprising not to see him even make the bench at Leicester while he remains on the Tottenham books.

Reports do indicate that his own dithering is a large factor in the failure to get a move over the line thus far, in which case he can’t be that mad at Ange who showed even more ruthlessness last summer with even bigger names he saw as part of Spurs’ past rather than future.

 

9. Ben Chilwell (Chelsea)
‘When they train every day and do not get any minutes, it is not good for them or for me, (as) I need to make a decision. It is probably better to leave and get minutes (elsewhere). The transfer window is open so we’ll see what happens.’ Not exactly cryptic or subtle from Enzo Maresca there.

Quite where Chilwell ends up is less clear, but we’d imagine at least half the Premier League have made enquiries.

 

8. Nayef Aguerd (West Ham)
A matchday one absence that does appear significant, with Aguerd seemingly on his way out of West Ham and indeed the Premier League. Atletico Madrid are the most eye-catching on the list of clubs reportedly keen.

 

7. Matt Turner (Nottingham Forest)
Our views on the brilliance of a third-choice keeper gig are well known, but there is a pretty clear exception: when you find yourself third-choice at 30 years of age having previously at worst been second-choice after a season in which you made 21 appearances and with still reasonable claim to be your national team’s No. 1 with a high-profile new manager to impress.

Needs a move of some sort, you’d think. Not a young up-and-comer, but surely not old enough to be settling in to the third-choice pipe and slippers either.

 

6. Trevoh Chalobah (Chelsea)
Another academy grad being treated like dirt by Chelsea, with Palace looking a likely destination as and when their need for a Marc Guehi (or Joachim Andersen as it turns out) replacement becomes reality.

 

5. Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Thomas Frank made a big point in his pre-match press conference of hyping up Toney’s availability, saying he trained ‘with a fresh smile, looked sharp, good attitude’ and then left him out of the squad altogether despite a move away being ‘not close’.

Brutal stuff from the Dane, and Toney is in danger of either getting stuck with no move at all or an underwhelming one given the clubs who a) have been linked and b) have conspicuous need of a striker.

 

4. Jadon Sancho (Man United)
Man United’s Spidey Senses are tingling and they expect Chelsea to make a bid. Could also just be a guess because, you know, decent chance they’ll make a bid for him what with him being a professional footballer and Chelsea on a crusade to buy and/or sell every professional footballer in the land.

 

3. Joe Gomez (Liverpool)
Seemingly the first big victim of the Arne Slot revolution having been left out of the squad at Ipswich. Liverpool will not be short of offers for a versatile England defender with over 220 appearances for his boyhood club. West Ham is the name currently being whispered the loudest. If that makes sense. Which it doesn’t.

Either way, we’d say Gomez is entitled to be quite peeved at the way this has panned out at the start of the season. And not just because nobody should have to join West Ham.

 

2. Conor Gallagher (Chelsea)
Chelsea are now in the process of giving Atletico Madrid a lot of money for Joao Felix so that Atleti can afford to buy Conor Gallagher from Chelsea. And this is apparently further evidence of how clever Chelsea’s owners are – much cleverer than you or I – and definitely not them being utterly incapable of resisting every clever loophole they find in the rules even if it isn’t actually that helpful. Or clever.

Gallagher sits even more squarely in the ‘not surprised, but still p*ssed off’ camp than any of the other Chelsea outcasts.

 

1. Raheem Sterling (Chelsea)
Just the latest pointless and unnecessary self-inflicted catastrophe at a ridiculous football club. A snub that not only insults Sterling, but reminds every single other player – and indeed fan – just how little their club actually thinks of them.

If it can happen to Sterling – a man who must surely have regrets about his own decision-making over the last two years – it can happen to me is the message any self-aware footballer (admittedly that might rule a few out) at Chelsea must take from this and we can’t imagine it does much to improve the mood at a squad where the black players who complained about a team-mate singing a racist song have seen their concerns heard and answered by the racist singer being made captain.

Chelsea have been through some tough times recently, but what an entirely brand new indignity it is for them to see a racist assume the high office of captain.