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Man Utd win title with Arsenal Lynx disaster last – ranking all 24/25 Premier League away and third kits

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We’ve ranked all the home kits, so what else is there to do but repeat the trick for the aways and thirds? Nothing, is the answer there.

Still a few gaps here – Aston Villa, we’re looking at you – and for some we’re still relying on leaks rather than official pictures but we’ll update where necessary as and when it becomes possible.

For now, though, enjoy. There are some genuinely brilliant ones here and, we would humbly contend, a lot more hits than misses. Basically, unless you’ve been told to try and knock Man City off their perch while dressed like a can of Lynx Africa, you haven’t done too badly this season.

You can check out all those 24/25 Premier League home kit rankings here.

 

32. Arsenal (away)
Let us be neither the first nor last to point out that Arsenal are going to attempt to win the Premier League while dressed up like bottles of Lynx Africa. Which is bad, just to be clear. Funny, but bad.

Nothing else to be said here, because – appropriately – the whiff of the Lynx Africa on this kit thoroughly overpowers everything else. It stings the nostrils and to be honest with you smells like pure gasoline.

Arsenal's new Lynx Africa away kit in all its glory

Arsenal’s new Lynx Africa away kit in all its glory

 

31. Chelsea (away)
Keeping the blue and orange, sorry ‘rush blue’ and ‘team orange’ from the home kit is a nice touch, and this does have a huge advantage over last year’s Chelsea away kit in that it isn’t blue, but it does also look a little bit like someone’s just got the colours a bit wrong on an England kit. The beige is very… beige, and continuing that nondescript base colour into the shorts also strikes us as an error.

We’ve been told we were wrong to like the badge on the home kit – just one of the many things we apparently are wrong to like on that home kit – but if it’s any consolation to those people we really don’t like all the embossed orange on this one. Does that help? At all? Anyone?

30. Tottenham (third)
Been looking at this for a good 10 minutes now, and still can’t decide if it’s dead good actually or just a complete f***ing mess. Leaning towards the latter. Why does the whole pattern appear to be built upon some dotted paper from your year three maths lessons? Why the f*ck does the Nike swoosh look like that, and why are there two of them apparently spooning in an upright position? And what colour actually is that?

Tell you one thing we absolutely do love, though. That club crest. Spurs were actually way ahead of the current trend for simplified, stripped back club crests having reverted to a simple cockerel and ball all the way back in 2006.

So they’ve quite cleverly and subtly gone the other way for this kit and placed that badge on a stylised version of the old full club shield – which hasn’t been seen on a Spurs shirt since the Pony days of the late 90s.

So that’s good. Overall, though? No.

29. Brighton (away)
Don’t ask us to explain it, we really can’t do so satisfactorily, but this looks like a county one-day cricket top from about 2007. There’s something about the yellow, bright yet matt, that’s giving off a distinct NatWest Pro40 vibe.

Not necessarily a bad thing, but it arguably does mean this doesn’t quite hit the brief.

James Milner in pre-season action for Brighton

James Milner in pre-season action for Brighton

28. Manchester City (away)
Both too slavish a copy of the classic late 90s Kappa kit to which it pays homage and also weakened by failing to extend the stripes into the sleeves as that kit did. So it somehow manages to fail at both ends of the retro copycat scale.

27. Everton (third)
A miss, we fear. Given the blue home kit and black away, it kind of had to be away but what is officially ‘light lemon’ looks awful beige in the photos we’ve seen so far. Maybe it’s one that looks better in the flesh, because the gold-piped v-neck collar does look rather lovely, as do the subtle pinstripes.

26. Liverpool (away)
The weakest of the assorted black-with-a-splash-of-colour efforts knocking around this season. Would’ve been better had the turquoise of the piping and cuffs extended to either or both the collar and logos, but that’s just our opinion.

It’s fine, just a bit underwhelming.

Liverpool players pose for a team photo

Liverpool players pose for a team photo

25. Crystal Palace (away)
Another simplified away crest, with bonus points for also including that crest in massive form across the entirety of the shirt.

But there are two significant drawbacks here. Drawback one: the general colour scheme is giving Leeds away kit (and by the way this year’s would have topped the f*ck out of this ranking if they hadn’t foolishly gone unpromoted). Drawback two: last year’s away kit had a sash and kits with a sash are better than kits without a sash, ergo this has to go down as a sizeable downgrade, sadly.

24. Manchester City (third)
Comfortably the best of City’s kits this year, which isn’t saying much, and maroon is clearly a very correct colour for a City change kit. The gold isn’t gaudy and ties it all together nicely, but it does rather bring to mind the kit Arsenal wore for the final season at Highbury.

23. Newcastle (third)
Yes, it’s another Newcastle change kit with all green on it, but it is at least based on a pre-Saudi Newcastle away kit that had all green on it. AND NEVER MIND ALL THAT, LOOK AT THAT BIG, BEAUTIFUL 1980s CLUB BADGE.

Overall, does have a kind of leisurewear rather than matchday vibe BUT NEVER MIND ALL THAT, LOOK AT THAT BIG, BEAUTIFUL 1980s CLUB BADGE.

Newcastle in pre-season action

Newcastle in pre-season action

22. Fulham (away)
Last year’s hot pink effort makes way for a more traditional black and red number that achieves a level of classic look that’s tough to pull off on an away kit.

It’s the sort of kit that’s not going to stand out enough to be anyone’s favourite but will get a solid 7/10 from all. Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

21. Tottenham (away)
The home kit looked to us like child’s pyjamas. This looks like your grandad’s PJs. We don’t hate the assortment of light blues arranged into some kind of stripes as much now as we did at first glance, but we’re still not sold on it.

And if you’re going with a central club crest you have to move the manufacturer’s logo as well. It just upsets the whole balance of the shirt, exacerbated in this case by the busier side of the shirt also having the wider side of the asymmetric collar. We like the asymmetric collars, and if reversed here it could have gone some way to maybe balancing things out a bit?

The cuffs on the sleeve are top drawer, and this does feel like something that comes tantalisingly close to being really good but then just somehow in the end isn’t. Don’t go looking for any deeper allegorical meaning to that description of a Spurs shirt, you won’t find it. 

Brennan Johnson in pre-season action for Tottenham

Brennan Johnson in pre-season action for Tottenham

 

20. Nottingham Forest (away)
We preferred last year’s ‘drunk Argentina’ effort from Forest/adidas if we’re being brutally honest, but the graphic effect on this navy and pink effort certainly isn’t dull, and one thing we really won’t tolerate in away kits is dullness. Not sure this quite works, but the colour and design are extremely bold and that in itself is worth applauding.

19. Brighton (third)
Last year’s green-and-black away kit stays on the roster this year as the third kit, and we reckon we probably had it a good few places too low last year. We welcome the chance to rectify this. ‘Snice.

Brighton Ajax

Brighton celebrate goal at Ajax in the Europa League.

18. Wolves (third)
All we know about Wolves’ third kit at this stage is that it’s purple and, from the one picture we’ve seen, couldn’t be more Harchester United if it was the subject of a kidnapping and assassination attempt on the morning of a vital game that could secure the title/survival/FA Cup glory for the Dragons moments before they get demoted for financial irregularities.

Which again to us is a bonus.

 

17. Brentford (away)
Release this in summer 2023, with Barbenheimer at its all-conquering, culture-defining peak and you’re on to an absolute winner. Might now just slightly have missed the boat. But it’s a lovely thing, we approve of the button-down collar and very much enjoy those stripy cuffs.

And have we mentioned we really love that umbro centenary logo? Oh, we have. Good. We will keep doing so.

16. West Ham (away)
Unapologetically leaning into the Cockney persona with a kit quite literally inspired by Bow Bells. Another black away kit in a long line of black away kits this season but the burgundy accents hit just right here, with the recoloured West Ham crest spot on and another lovely, lovely white-and-burgundy version of that cracking new umbro logo.

15. Southampton (third)
That really is very, very, very pink. And if you’re going to have that amount of that bright a pink, we guess you might as well have luminous yellow logos as well, why not? Bit more dazzle camo in the collar and cuffs as well. Lord help us, we think we might love it.

14. Wolves (away)
The kit House Stark would wear if House Stark had a football team. From a more mundane Wolves perspective, lovely use of the club’s main colours to tap (knowingly or otherwise) into the big trend for black kits this year thanks to some classy old gold trim and that massive great wolf’s head.

13. Chelsea (third)
Black and bright pink is absolutely top-tier third-kit colourway areas for our money, and this one is very nice indeed. We’re not sure what the mountain pattern in the black-and-anthracite base is supposed to represent, or even if it is indeed supposed to be mountains, but it looks nice enough and that’s the real quiz with a third shirt. Or indeed any shirt.

Nike have also jumped on a couple of current trends here with a tweak to their own logo and the use of a simplified club logo – in this case just the central lion motif picked out in that lovely pink colour.

The asymmetric collar won’t be for everyone, but we like it and it is in any case extremely subtle here due to being black on black.

That upturned double Nike swoosh for this year’s third kits remains a shambles however. It just looks like a printing error, and is more noticeable and therefore worse on this much cleaner and nicer kit than on that performatively messy Tottenham nonsense.

12. Bournemouth (away)
Retro playfulness done absolutely right here by Bournemouth, with umbro giving very subtle nods to the 92/94 tyre-tread classic rather than just lazily replicating it. We nearly always prefer that kind of more inventive and thoughtful take on retro styling.

We’ve also yet to see a bad version of that special umbro centenary logo, but this is one of our absolute favourites.

11. Brentford (third)
The Bees went down the outlandish route for the third kit last season but go much more classic this time around with a very smart dark green and navy blue effort that looks a bit like Arsenal’s 80s-inspired third kit from last season, but even better.

Also further evidence that there is no colourway in which that special umbro logo doesn’t look absolutely lovely.

Brentford may be reusing last year’s home kit, one we’re not huge fans of, but they’ve got a couple of really good new ones for away days.

10. Leicester (away)
Black with a splash of colour is a go-to away kit choice this year, with this adidas effort vaguely bringing to mind that magnificently batsh*t thing Nike came up with for Spurs in 2021/22.

This is definitely less mad than that but it’s not the more routine plain-black-with-neon either. The almost paint-roller effect of the pink and yellow is definitely something and keeping all the logos on the front of the shirt in white is probably a wise move here, ditto the understated anthracite colour for the three stripes to the sleeves. You can go too far with the fun and games, and adidas step back here just at the right moment. Very good.

9. Liverpool (third)
That stupid wrong vertical swoosh ffs. Really does rather spoil what could have been an absolute banger. That silvery pattern on a white base calls to mind last year’s Spurs home shirt, but the pattern for this one is better, and we adore those collars and cuffs. The simple liver bird and LFC crest that Liverpool have had on all their shirts for a couple of seasons now absolutely pops here and to its very great credit almost manages to distract from that very stupid swoosh.

8. Arsenal (third)
Only leaks at this stage for this one, but here’s hoping it’s legit because it’s lovely. The light blue and purple colourway works very nicely here, and it’s a pleasing mix of old and new with the very modern kit design sitting wonderfully well alongside that classic adidas trefoil and Arsenal cannon.

As is very often the case with change kits, benefits hugely from sponsor logos being in colour to match the kit rather than official branding guidelines, and our one very minor quibble here is that we’d have liked to see something, anything a bit more exciting about the collar.

7. Manchester United (away)
Yeah, it’s good that and in a very solid ‘Man United away’ colour scheme too. Love the M motif within the shirt itself, love the very slightly lighter blue details to the collar, love the silver for all the logos and such. Just a really elegant and smart away kit done beautifully.

If we were to nitpick, we’d love to have seen this one use the stripped-back Red Devil logo from recent third kits.

Manchester United in pre-season action

Manchester United in pre-season action

6. Southampton (away)
It’s got all fluorescent yellow dazzle camo on it, and our fondness for that combination of words is just one of the many, many reasons we shouldn’t be trusted to do these rankings. Sponsor also matches the colours rather well. Suspiciously well, if anything, as if the colour of the kit was chosen for that very reason.

Whatever, we like this a lot even though we really aren’t sure we should.

5. Everton (away)
If we can put our wider Castore concerns to one side, this is excellent. Black with bright accents is always an away kit win in our book, while the vogue for simplified crests sees Everton’s turret – the simplified crest to beat all simplified crests – promoted here from third kit to away kit for the first time. A good choice, that.

Nice geometric pattern to the shirt as well. If it doesn’t immediately fall to bits or make everyone look like they’ve just jumped out of a swimming pool then it’s a winner. If.

4. Bournemouth (third)
Appears to be weaved from precious metals and also very possibly from the future. Even the deeply problematic sponsor looks excellent on this shiny, shiny effort that surely breaks the record for greatest number of rhombuses (rhombi?) ever seen on a single umbro shirt. Compelling evidence here for our theory that you simply cannot have too many rhombuses on an umbro shirt. Or indeed rhombi.

3. Newcastle (away)
Still unofficial at this stage, but oof. If you don’t look at this and think immediately of David Ginola and Les Ferdinand then congratulations: you are much younger than we are, and you sicken us.

This does sit undeniably closer to the ‘slavish reproduction’ than the ‘playful nod’ end of the kit homage scale, but hey there’s an exception to every rule and when it works, it works.

This definitely works. We know the world has changed and it’s just no feasible, but what we wouldn’t give for a big beautiful Newcastle Brown star in the middle of this shirt. You can’t have everything, can you?

2. Ipswich (away)
Striking. Excellent. Maroon and navy is a bold choice that pays off in absurdly handsome fashion here, and as they’ve done rather brilliantly elsewhere, umbro have once again landed on classy rather than gaudy with what is really quite a large amount of gold detailing. And does it have a lovely version of that umbro centenary logo? You better believe it has a lovely version of that umbro centenary logo.

There’s something undeniably regal about this shirt that is going to look particularly poignant when Ipswich lose 8-1 at Man City in it.

1. Manchester United (third)
Yeah, that’s just excellent, isn’t it? The trefoil obviously is an absolute winner, as is that Red Devil logo, while the red, white and almost-black (officially: ‘carbon’) tricolour stripe is perhaps the finest single detail on any Premier League kit this season.

We’d normally have something to say about the standard round collar but above those bands of colour the simplicity of the collar works perfectly. It doesn’t want or need anything else.

There’s a few beige or off-white kits knocking around among this year’s away kits and we don’t much care for any of the others. This one, though. This one is stunning.



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