Arsenal have ‘built a team of sh*thouse b**tards’ and can win title

Arsenal can absolutely win the title with this set of players, while we have praise for Nottingham Forest and a Carlingsmen XI.

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Five knee-jerk Premier League reactions
Tottenham v Arsenal – Arsenal’s title hopes are going to boil down to how they can continue grinding out wins like this when not necessarily playing well (the mark of true champions). Also Big Ange is going to have a Conte-like final season.

Aston Villa v Everton – Mmmm, Everton are goin’ down, down, baby, your street in a Range Rover (10 points to whoever can guess this Nelly song/ lyric)

Southampton v. Man Utd – The sooner Ugarte is integrated into the team, the better it will be for all concerned.

Wolves v Newcastle – How the f*** are Newcastle in 3rd place?

Girona v Barcelona – Barca are seriously flying, eh? That boy Lamine Yamal is a gem, eh? Never have I been more excited for the first El Clásico of the season. Bring it on!
Philip, Man U, Lagos (staring blankly at my computer screen with a cup of coffee)

Arsenal pulled off a big boy win
Thought Neville called it spot on in commentary when he said although this Arsenal team haven’t won a title they play like title winners in their ability to grind out a win no matter the circumstances.

It’s been said the injuries were overplayed but it was arguably Arsenal’s first choice midfield all out, Calafiori, Zinchenko and Tomiyasu also out who might not have made the team but would have allowed us to not field a bench with 5 U18 players.

Rice and Odegaard are the best runners in Arsenal’s team, they execute the high press better than anyone in the team. There was cause for concern at the ability and legs of a Jorginho/Partey midfield dealing with the intensity, pace and pressing of a pumped up Spurs side, but Arteta pivoted and changed his tactics to suit – something Postecoglou has shown unable to do (the praise on him for that 9 man half way line defence v Chelsea looking more foolish by the day).

16 Conclusions rightly pointed out the failings of Vicario to deal with set pieces and crosses, but didn’t quite go as far as to contrast this with the guy at the opposite end.

Many scoffed at Arteta replacing Ramsdale with Raya, clouded by Ramsdale’s nationality for sure, but the reasons were clear. He’s better with his feet but crucially his ability and confidence at claiming high crosses is the best in the league – his stats were the best even at Brentford. This is the difference between being a gk (and a CB) for an elite side. You’re being asked to do excel at a particular set of skills which isn’t showreel saves or heroic blocks.

READ: David Raya in Premier League XI of the season so far

So to the two (forced?) controversial incidents. Call me biased but I’m not even certain Timber on Porro is a foul! Comparisons with Curtis Jones (which I don’t think met the threshold for a red) are wide of the mark. Social media will use frozen frames to make it look like Timber stamped his studs on Porro’s shin but it was nothing of the sort. Timber puts his foot on top of the ball and in Porro’s tackle of the ball his stud ‘brush’ and it’s the slightest of touch with Porro’s shin.

Now on to Gabriel’s ‘push’. I’d have a lot more sympathy for those wanting a foul if the push was done in the act or action of them both going up for the header. If you want that ruled out for a foul and would defend it by the ‘letter of the law’ (!) then you would need to give 4-5 penalties each game.

Final point on the ref, I was certain at half time there would be a red card in the second half – Gillett did well to get back in control of the game, although the players helped him by both sets being more disciplined after the break.

Arsenal’s record in 2024 is stupendous. 11 games away from home, won 10, drawn 1, never been behind in any of those games, in 2024 Arsenal have only been behind for 0.4% of all minutes played in the prem. the mailbox the other day made comparisons to the late Wenger years suggesting Arsenal fans hounded him out for doing exactly what Arteta is doing now – this was rightly slapped down but if you need any more evidence then just look at Arsenal’s record v the top 6 (unbeaten last season), and their defence their tactical awareness, their off the ball work and their desire to defend. All non existent under later-day Wenger together with regular humblings v the best teams.
Rich, AFC

MORE ON THE NORTH LONDON DERBY FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions as wide-eyed Spurs throw themselves into Arsenal’s well-constructed but entirely obvious NLD trap
👉 Arsenal rubbish but Arteta brilliant in pre-ordained NLD that raises Postecoglou doubts
👉 Arsenal man ‘chose the dark arts’ as Sky Sports ‘refuse’ to say sorry

…After decades of being told Arsenal are a soft touch, you can bully them, foul them, they don’t like it up ’em etc, it is really nice to see Arteta build a team of sh*thouse b**tards. You have to beat our team of Giants. You have to get past our Monsters. Good luck with that. We will foul you, we will bully you, and you will struggle. We are so good now that we can actually suck while playing and we’ll probably still beat you.

City are the only team who I think are ‘better than’ Arsenal. So call us bottlers all you want, but know that you’re so far beneath us that you don’t even figure in our calculations. I’ve seen people tar us with the same brush as Mourinho’s Chelsea team and all I can say is ‘thanks!’ They were a generational team so that is a massive compliment.

You ask any Arsenal fan, and they haven’t been happier than now in over a decade. And our manager who you all hate has just signed a 3 year deal. We ain’t going anywhere. We had 5 academy players on our bench against Spurs, which further increases our love for the squad. A 17 year old boy got to come on in a derby. What’s not to love?
John Matrix AFC

Feigning injury is the truth
Just read your 16 Conclusions on the Spurs – Arsenal game and thought I would give you an alternative view on conclusion nr 15: Pedro Porro feigned an injury to get Timber sent off. It wasn’t a foul, it wasn’t a yellow and to suggest it could have been a red is nonsensical. Players feign injury. All the time. A lot of commentators, journalists and pundits find this fact hard to accept. Why? Does the truth hurt too much? In the age of deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act.
G Thomas, Breda

Spurs anger
I thought 16 Conclusions summed it up great.

The thoughts on the train on the way home amongst a few who weren’t just silently fuming weren’t good. And I won’t give them lot the enjoyment of reading them.

Clear red, clear shove, but we never make a fuss so it keeps happening. And can someone stop Legoman now? It’s beyond a joke. He literally picked the ball up off the pitch, and waves his arms around on the touchline to put off players running right next to him.
ANON

Aussie beef with 16 Conclusions
Yeah not really sure about the 16 Conclusions. This Arsenal fan really doesn’t think the plan was to give the ball to Spurs, have Raya make a bunch of saves, and score a single set piece goal.

The coaching staff’s reaction at the end of the game was that of relief, not a masterplan played out.

Tell yer man that hating Ange “mate” Postecoglou probably isn’t a solid basis for 16 conclusions, and f*** right off with the unforgivably Australian bullshit.
John, formerly of London

MORE ON THE NORTH LONDON DERBY FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions as wide-eyed Spurs throw themselves into Arsenal’s well-constructed but entirely obvious NLD trap
👉 Arsenal rubbish but Arteta brilliant in pre-ordained NLD that raises Postecoglou doubts
👉 Arsenal man ‘chose the dark arts’ as Sky Sports ‘refuse’ to say sorry

Forest are decent
I wrote in a couple of weeks ago about how Forest have put together a pretty decent, well balance squad and that they will surprise a few people this year. After Saturday, maybe a few outside of Nottingham will start to notice.

Included was:

The centre back partnership of Murillo and Milenkovic looks well balanced and will be one of the best outside of the big boys

How Milenkovic was not included in your top 10 best signings I have no idea. A 26 year old, with almost 60 international caps (and now captain) with over 200 appearances in Serie A. One of our biggest weaknesses last year was defending set plays and recruiting a 6ft 5in monster to help deal with these was a great piece of business. At £12mil, he was an absolute bargain.

Instead you included Leny Yoro, who’s biggest achievement seems to be that Real Madrid were interested but decided not to sign him. I’m saying it now, he’s got flop of the season written all over him, he’ll spend more time in the treatment room than on the pitch and when he does play, he looks like the more physical strikers will have a field day with him.

Anyway, back to Forest (who realistically could be sitting on 12 points from 12), the fans aren’t too demanding (in the short term), a nice mid table finish with no relegation danger would be more than enough. Maybe with a decent run in the FA cup to go with it. Based on the start, I’m pretty optimistic that is what we will get.
James, NFFC

All hail the super-subs
I hated being subbed. Being subbing off usually meant one was the worst player on the field. Yet the only thing worse was being one of the subs. Having to wear that No.12 or No.13 shirt, itching to get on and when you finally got on you had about 15 minutes to make an impact and barely got a touch.

Ironically though, some people take to it like a duck to water. OGS once scored 4 goals in a game as a sub, not to mention THAT goal! Others such as McTominay and Origi also seem to fall into this category. So why has the role of the substitute not evolved to become a specialist like all the other positions in football and other sports? In MLB, the “Closer” isn’t a bad player, he simply does not have the stamina to last multiple innings.

Are squads being fully utilized? Wouldn’t an hour of Havertz and then 30 minutes of Troussard be a better utilization? We constantly hear coaches and players saying they play too many games and every season we see teams collectively run out of gas at the end of the season, some spectacularly. I wonder if it is time to change the perception of the role of the substitute.
Adidasmufc (Being an unused sub when we were getting hammered wasn’t the worst thing in the world mind!)

What about this guy?
Wanted to quickly put right something missing from the mailbox this morning:

Jhon Duran.

F***ing hell.
Neil Raines UTV

A Carlingsmen XI
I’m not sure I ‘get’ what is meant by a “Barclaysman“… But I need no second invitation beyond the one from Ben in the earlier mailbox than to waste my Friday afternoon to go full 90s nostalgia and produce an XI of whatever I consider to be “Carlingsmen”.

Happy to be corrected if I’ve made this team either too good or too successful to fit the true criteria. It’s easy to get sucked into going either too English-journeyman, too flashy-foreigner, or just pull out a list of players who won iconic goal-of-the-month competitions (to the tune of Lightning Seeds’ “Life of Riley”, of course). Hopefully I’ve hit the right notes of players who simply existed.

And formation is very definitely 4-4-f***ing-2 with proper wingers.

GK – Ian Walker. The son of former Everton manager, Mike Walker, is the one Spurs player I’ve allowed myself in this line up. Male model and part-time shot-stopper Walker forced the legendary Erik “The Viking” Thorstvedt out of the Spurs starting eleven around 1992/3 and somehow cemented his place in the side throughout the Carling era in spite of a chronic aversion to making saves at his near post.

Won 4 (FOUR) England caps in an era of Seaman, Flowers, Martyn and James, conceding the goal in a home qualifier against Italy that nearly did for the Three Lions’ WC1998 qualification efforts. Persisted with absolutely terrible 90s “curtains” haircut even longer than I did (and I was an awkward teenager; not a very handsomely-paid adult man, so I had an excuse). Ben, in his mail, has rightly called out Bryan Gunn who, along with that whole team of Norwich City over-achievers, gives off all the Carlingsmen vibes.

RB – Frank Sinclair. Don’t worry, I’m not just picking players who spent three-quarters of their careers at one club before buggering off to Leicester when it started going downhill. Frank Sinclair was a stalwart of the Chelsea defence back when they were properly sh*t. Famed as a sort of proto-Richard Dunne in the legendary own goal stakes. 28 caps for Jamaica, which is nice. Think my team might have too many international caps in it to truly qualify as Carlingsmen. Never mind.

LB – Dennis Irwin. Well this doesn’t help the caps issue, does it? 56 caps for Republic of Ireland and a whole trophy-room full of medals and silverware for the man who Sir Alex described as his best ever signing. It does feel a cheat to have quite such an exceptional player in my team here, but for full transparency, his retirement from football in 2004 felt quite ground-breaking for me.

I know he isn’t the only player to have played through from the old “First division” days right up to 2004, but to me he felt just so ever-present; an absolute staple in my formative football years. Maybe because I didn’t have Sky growing up and so I probably saw more of United on the terrestrial Champions’ League coverage than almost any other club. Maybe it’s just because he was so unflashy and felt a proper throwback to the footballers of the pre-Carling-era. Either way – you say “90s football” to me and I say “Dennis Irwin”. So I’m having him.

CB – Dion Dublin. Yes, GenZ. Your daytime TV hero used to be a footballer. What do you mean you don’t know what “daytime TV” is? “Streaming services”, you say? I need a lie down. Definite cheat from me, positionally, because Dublin was a throwback to when centre forwards used to sometimes double up as centre backs (see: Sutton, Chris; Warhurst, Paul). Manchester United, Coventry City, Aston Villa is career path so Carling you feel like it should be served to you, warm and flat in a tankard at a working men’s club.

CB – David Unsworth. My nostalgic recollection of David Unsworth was that he was a Fantasy Football cheat code back in the days when the scoring system could only cope with players scoring goals and so goalscoring defenders (or whoever took the team’s penalties) were a surefire winner. No triple-captaining, free hit bollocks. This was the days when you’d cut out the entry form and send it with a postal order to the Sunday Mirror in August and then watch over the course of the season as your players gradually succumbed to injuries and suspensions without any ability to change anything because no one had been down the post office to get any first class stamps.

Looking at his career stats, his goalscoring record isn’t quite what I remember it. Clearly I was always shit at Fantasy Football. One England cap for a defender who made Neil Ruddock look relatively svelte and mobile, is a fact I present without comment, other than to observe that Steves Bould and Bruce only got two between them.

RM – Steve Stone. Surprised to note that the Geordie, who spent the majority of his Carlingsman days at Nottingham Forest before a move to Aston Villa, won 9 England Caps (including some brief appearances at Euro-96), making him the highest capped England player in my weird collection of turn-of-the-millennium Premier League stalwarts and icons.

I nearly paired him in this line up with fellow short-arsed, former Aston Villa baldy Alan Wright, but couldn’t make a case for including him ahead of Dennis Irwin. Though I think my inexplicable nostalgia for Steve Stone might come a little bit from remembering the two of them together like a sort of crap, midlands-based Mitchell Brothers.

CM – Craig Hignett. This feels like a proper Carlingsman selection. Zero international caps. No flashy career history. A journeyman who spent the largest part of the 90s as one of the more mundane parts of an absolutely bonkers Middlesbrough side. He just popped into my head and I thought, “yeah, that feel right. He was there. He did stuff”. Is that what a Carlingsman is?

CM – George Kinkladze. Iconic. At a time when most of the UK couldn’t find Georgia on a globe, a diminutive ball of energy turned up at a pre-oil-rich Manchester City and absolutely lit up the Premiership for a season, followed them into div 1 after relegation heartbreak, and even returned to the Carling with Derby County several years later; only to get relegated again. A straight toss-up between Kinkladze and Juninho for this attacking midfield slot, but the Brazilian’s time in England was much shorter, so I rule him less synonymous with the Carling.

LW – Jason Wilcox. A league title winner with Blackburn, who employed him for most of the Carling era. Wilcox (now, bafflingly, a “football executive”) won only three caps for England despite being seemingly the only natural, left footed, English winger in the country for about fifteen years after John Barnes’ retirement. An old-school, chalk-on-the-boots winger, always seemed to possess excellent delivery and a penchant to dropping one on the head of Alan Shearer. I was very close to popping Gary Speed in here, but just makes me too sad to think about him.

FW – Jan Aage Fjortoft. I mean, Tony Yeboah is the correct answer, but your correspondent, Ben, has beaten me to the punch on that one. The Norwegian was memorably part of a Swindon side promoted to the Premiership under Glenn Hoddle (what a weird sentence that seems now) and repeated the feat of lining up for improbable visitors to England’s top table when he played for Barnsley in 1998. Between those stints, he was also part of the same bonkers Middlesbrough side as Craig Hignett. No idea why they’ve resonated so much with me. Should I have a Newcastle player in here? Probably. But then they’re a bit obvious, aren’t they?

FW – Paolo Wanchope. Single-handedly beat Manchester United on about three or four occasions, or at least that’s my rose-tinted recollection of Costa Rica’s finest export since coffee. That’s probably not true, but that’s surely the point. It’s about the vibes, rather than letting little things like “facts” and “statistics” get in the way.

For me, he’ll always be a Derby County player, but Wanchope actually spent significantly more years in England across spells with West Ham and Manchester City, which I’d completely forgotten about, to be honest. Edges out Faustino Asprilla in the bandy-legged maverick-forwards stakes on the grounds of longevity and that Tino’s finest moments were in the Champions league rather than the Prem.

Right, that’s Friday afternoon done. Manager? Straight fight between Kevin Keegan, Gerry Francis and Joe Kinnear.
Chris Bridgeman, Kingston upon Thames

Commentary corner
I heard some talk during the Paralympics about how commentary needs to be more descriptive for visually impaired people and how Channel 4 had been training its commentators to do so. It was an interesting point that I hadn’t considered before and good to see a broadcaster putting in effort to better serve their audience. I caught the last ten minutes of the England Finland game and rather than put myself through the ordeal of focusing on the football I decided to see just how much of the action the commentators described. Yes, I am that sad.

Of the ten minutes I’d estimate that there was about thirty seconds of actual commentary and even that was just a list of players with no mention of what they were doing or where they were doing it. Instead it was two men just talking utter shit.

It was so bad that if they were in your house you’d have gone upstairs to watch it on the portable (‘member portable TVs?). We don’t need third rate punditry during the actual game and we especially don’t need banter between two dullards. I don’t know if there’s a service that visually impaired people can use instead of the stock commentators but I certainly hope there is and they’re not stuck with that drivel.

As with so many things in modern football, it just seems that commentators don’t really meet their purpose and are just filling air that I’m sure would be better served by nothing at all.

On a better note, the BBC’s highlights of the Champions League has reintroduced the wonderful and erudite Andy Townsend to my ears. That’s better.
SC, Belfast